Hope and Light

“Some days you will be the light for others,…”

Going through the experience of surviving cancer has been a journey.  I had courage and strength come to me during the times I needed it most.  I remember friends and family telling me I was brave.  I didn’t question it.  I felt a connection to a power greater than myself and I knew I would be alright.  It gave others strength to push through whatever struggle they were confronted with as well.

“And some days you will need some light from them.”

It’s give and take.  I certainly had my fair share of days where I felt overcome by fear.  The negative thoughts about what if this and that danced around in my mind.  And that is when I leaned on my friends and family to help me stay in reality.  I

“As long as there is light, there is hope, and there is a way.”

No matter what, I always have hope.  The light might only be a flicker at times, but it’s always there.  All of us can get through it.  The goal is to brighten the light.  Feed it more hope, gratitude, and love.  There is a way!

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It has been way too long since i updated this blog. So here it goes…I went to another follow up appointment to go over the results of my blood work with my doctor. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve done this routine over the years. Staying on top of these appointments is part of the process to make sure those cancer cells remain undetectable.

I’m still in the clear! I will never get tired of hearing that news. But this time there was an added nugget of hope. Instead of going back in 6 months, my doc said I come back in 12 months. Another milestone which warrants a brief happy dance. Woohoo!!! See you next year doc!

Cancer SURVIVOR - The Journey

As soon as I read “What Cancer Cannot Do” I felt my inner cancer SURVIVOR come out.  We tend to give cancer a lot of power.  It is part of the process to start blaming changes in our lives, relationships, outlook, attitude and choices on cancer.  The real deal is that each one of us has the power and inner-strength to focus on what we CAN do and what cancer CANNOT do.  It is a powerful exercise. 

I started thinking about what else could be added to the list.  I’m sharing it with all of my blog readers and asking you to add to the list as well.  Here is my version:

Cancer is so limited…

It cannot turn my world to darkness.

It cannot make the beauty of nature disappear.

It cannot take over my being.

It cannot drain my creativity.

It cannot silence my voice.

It cannot prevent me…

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As soon as I read “What Cancer Cannot Do” I felt my inner cancer SURVIVOR come out.  We tend to give cancer a lot of power.  It is part of the process to start blaming changes in our lives, relationships, outlook, attitude and choices on cancer.  The real deal is that each one of us has the power and inner-strength to focus on what we CAN do and what cancer CANNOT do.  It is a powerful exercise. 

I started thinking about what else could be added to the list.  I’m sharing it with all of my blog readers and asking you to add to the list as well.  Here is my version:

Cancer is so limited…

It cannot turn my world to darkness.

It cannot make the beauty of nature disappear.

It cannot take over my being.

It cannot drain my creativity.

It cannot silence my voice.

It cannot prevent me from spreading awareness and hope.

It cannot come between my connection with a Higher Power.

It cannot stop me from laughing and smiling.

It cannot take my will power.

It cannot make me give up.

It cannot take away my joy.

It cannot change my purpose in life.

~ I’m grateful to be a ThyCa survivor ~ I’m grateful to be a ThyCa survivor ♥ ~ I’m grateful to be a ThyCa survivor ~ ♥ ~ I’m grateful to be a ThyCa survivor ~ I’m grateful to be a ThyCa survivor ~ My parotid gland still hurts when I eat from the RAI (RadioActive Iodine). I get small bits of food caught in my throat at times. My vocal chords are still a little damaged from the thyroidectomy. My fear wakes up every 6 months when I go for follow-up scans and blood work. I get hot flashes and chills now more than ever. My memory is not was it was before. So I need to remind myself, despite it all. I FOUGHT THE FIGHT. I AM A CANCER SURVIVOR and THRIVER!!!  AND FOR THAT, I AM SO GRATEFUL!!
I’m going for my ThyCa ultrasound scan later today. The cycle of fearful thoughts are waking up in my mind.  They overpower me at times.  I wish there was a volume button, so I could put the negative ones on mute!  The thoughts are spinning around over and over.  The typical ones are…What if the cancer came back? What if it spread? Will I need another operation? I don’t want to go through the LID and RAI again. When will this end? Will I be able to get through the cancer battle again?  Am I a burden on friends and family?  When will I get the results?
One after another, the thoughts pop into my mind.  The reality is that I am taking care of myself and going for my regular follow-up visits, blood work and scans. I’m taking my medicine.  I talk about how I feel good and not so good. I blog about it, which helps.  I get helpful comments from my readers and that fills my spirit.
At this moment, I am a cancer SURVIVOR!! All of the thought are simply thoughts.  They are not reality.  I don’t have to give them power. The rest is unknown, fear of the unknown. So for now, I will stay in the present moment.  Yeah, that feels much better. I just needed to adjust my mind.  Ah, a sigh of relief. Calmness washes over me.

“Cancer comes into a life and worms its way in. It’s the unspoken presence every day of the person’s life—‘the cancer’s back’ or ‘in remission’ are common references in the life of the person with cancer. However, it continues to be the people who can fight it that make the whole disease seem beatable and worth fighting.” ~Anonymous

I was so touched by this inspiring quote, that I had to share it with all of you.  There were so many thoughts that came up for me when I read it.  As a cancer survivor, I can look back and see that it was a fight.  There were so many times that I wanted to give up, but I kept on going.  I am grateful to be in remission.  There is an “unspoken presence” ever since I was diagnosed.  I don’t feel it most days, but it is there.  It is something that I have accepted.

My hope is to stay in remission.  There is a recurrence rate of about 30% with my type of cancer.  But percentages don’t really mean much to me.  When they found my tumor, I was told that there was a 95% chance that it was non-malignant.  Regardless of the percentage, I knew in my gut that it was cancer.  When the results came back, it was confirmed that the tumor was malignant.  I was one of the people in the 5% category.  Those were not odds that I was happy about beating.  But it did teach me not to give percentages too much power.

I also learned that my health and well-being were worth fighting for.  Surviving cancer was worth the fight.  I was worth the fight!  It changed me.  I discovered my inner-voice and spoke up instead of staying silent.  I asked doctors all of my questions, instead of filtering the ones out that didn’t seem important.  I made the calls to my insurance company many times to resolve issues with coverage and billing instead paying the first bill I received.  I didn’t pay the price for the disconnect within the healthcare system.  I opened my mouth and talked about how I felt and didn’t pretend that everything was alright all of the time.  I prayed and prayed and had faith that it would all work out.  I created this blog to share my experience and help others.  In turn, I was able to get my virtual voice heard.  And to my pleasant surprise, I have gotten back so much love and support in return.

We are all worth the fight!

Awesome News!!! My blood test results show my Tg level was undetectable after the thyrogen shots! This means I am still cancer -free!! Oh yeah!! That’s right!! Thanks for the prayers and much appreciated support!! (Happy Dance)

What a difference a week makes. Last week was shots, blood work, fear and praying.  Fast forward it a week after I got the results and I’m at ease.  I can go on and live my life with all of this behind me.  Sure there will be another follow-up test in 6 months, but that is a long ways away.  There is no point in thinking about it.  I am focusing on the here and now.  That is where life happens!!

To all cancer survivors (including people newly diagnosed, battling cancer and going through treatment), continue to reach out for help, put one foot in front of the other and fight the fight!! You never know what tomorrow will bring, so be grateful for the blessings you have today!!