Last week I went for my six month follow-up thyroid ultrasound.  I was pleasantly surprised to be greeted by a very nice person at the front desk who treated me like a person with feelings instead of a person ordering cheese at the deli. (Next in line!)  Even Marie, the Ultrasound Technician was compassionate and relaxed.  She really took her time with me during the ultrasound.

The last time I had the ultrasound, they found two lymph nodes that were swollen.  My Endo said that we would keep an eye on it during the next follow-up ultrasound.  So this time when I was laying on the table with the warm gel on my neck and the ultrasound wand sliding around, my nerves were shot. 

Marie told me that there were two lymph nodes sticking out on the left side.  They were in the same area as the ones that were swollen six months ago.  Oh No!  She moved around and hovered the wand over the other side of my neck and found two more that were sticking out.  I felt sick and a wave of fear rushed over me.  Marie said “off record” that the lymph nodes looked like regular ones to her.  Well that did not make me feel better.  What Marie didn’t know is that I found out after my thyroidectomy that the cancer had spread to five  of the seven lymph nodes they removed during the surgery.

When I left the appointment I decided not to let the potential upsetting news get me down.  I walked back out as a thyroid cancer survivor!  I have not heard any good news or bad news yet.  I’m waiting for the results.  My appointment to go over the ultrasound results and blood work is not until February 2.  I can’t remember if my doctor called me prior to our appointment last time or not. 

Waiting for the results is starting to take a toll on me.  I am so good at focusing on gratitude and holding on to the fact that everything is going to be alright.  I consider myself to be a positive person with a wonderful support network that are here for me through it all.  But this waiting for results thing is really difficult.

I’ve been really emotional the past couple of days.  I feel really sensitive to everything and on edge.  The fear of what might be lurking in those lymph nodes is in the back of my mind.  I’m scared.  I hope and pray that the cancer has not come back to more lymph nodes.  Regardless, I can’t do anything about it now except write this post and know that the other people reading this understand.  And in turn it helps me to not feel so alone.

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